DO YOU SEE THE PAIN? (behind my eyes)

PERSONALLY I have chosen to walk for this cause because I am experiencing the extreme distress of Suicidal Depression currently in my life. (Also-I'm walking to remember those lost to suicide and help other people in crisis)

It is something I have been familiar with since the age of 12 when hormones impacted my mental health in a severe way. I have made attempts and been hospitalised a few times now over the years, but have found sadly, for some reason, it’s still not acceptable conversation to share over most dinner tables.

I was not fully diagnosed, medicated or treated with therapy until the arrival of my first born when I experienced my first major breakdown through severe Pre and Post Natal Depression and Anxiety. Thankfully the existence of other complex disorders were discovered and confirmed from that time, allowing me to begin unraveling the mass of confusion and suffering.

Those who know my story understand that my first child Lily Rain, struggled with Congenital Heart Disease all her life (16yrs), so the reality of Depression and the fantasy of Suicide were never far from me ever at all. We experienced much trauma together but an eternal and unconditional love at the same time. 

This was to be another difficult thread in the tapestry and journey that is my life so far..    

Only a couple of years after losing my daughter, she sent me another from the spirit world to keep me going. A single mum once again, who was to have a breakdown of epic proportions due to middle age hormones and other various factors. I am now again clawing my way out from the pits of hell! My youth has gone, but I gladly accept that my character has become formidable!

I have been blessed as many times as I have been broken and on the darkest nights of my soul when I have lost the ability to cope and control myself, I have found miraculously a power greater than myself that assures me there is a speck of light shining somewhere, amidst the deepest darkest dwellings. I believe I am among many fortunate souls who have been able to feel, see or somehow just sense that fragment of faith and hope nearby and have been able to hold onto it for dear life (not a term I have ever used before). I don’t  believe that staying Earthbound is any easier, as it requires emotional muscle and enormous amounts of physical and mental energy. I feel such compassion for those who have not been able to see or know of hope, so they have taken the next step in the illusion that ending their own lives will end their struggle.

This cannot be an easy decision, it is absolutely not a cowardly decision, but one that seems reasonable from a maladjusted and unwell frame of mind. It doesn’t help to judge as none of us can see what lies ahead in our lives and the potential hardships we may encounter. Desperation is unlikely a conscious choice.

May the hearts, bodies and minds of those who rest in peace be healed and lifted in love..

To those like me, who are long in the tooth, have survived, are well versed in therapy and well equipped with tools and helpful strategies, I remind you that this condition is 24/7! It doesn’t even allow you to sleep peacefully. So, if you continue to struggle daily or regularly after so long in recovery, I just hope that you don’t hate yourself as much as I do? It makes life so much harder and it’s impossible to experience any quality of life.                

I wish people could understand that it were as easy as ‘going for a walk, running a bath or just letting go’ then ofcourse we bloody would!!!

Mental health conditions are exhausting and debilitating at times 😣To those who wish to make a difference at all, please just be kind, because we are generally the opposite to ourselves. 

I appreciate you taking the time to read a snippet of my journey. At this stage I will be walking alone unless anyone wish to join me? Feel free to PM me🙃

Please donate a little if you can or take extra care of yourself or another who needs support.

🙏🖤🙏🩷🙏🤍🙏🖤🙏🩷🙏🤍🙏

Tragically, every year over 65,000 Australians attempt to take their own life and over 3,000 Australians die by suicide. 

Lifeline receives over 1 million contacts from people in crisis each year.

Suicide has devastating impact on friends and loved ones.

For World Suicide Prevention Day (Sept 10), I will be taking part in Out of the Shadows and walking for the 9 people lost to suicide every day.

I'm walking to raise funds for Lifeline to provide suicide prevention services and support for Australians in need.

Please support my walk and sponsor me to help those in crisis.

Together, we can ensure that no one has to face their darkest moments alone.