20 days to go

Today I did a very awkward feeling photoshoot with a guy from the Geelong Advertiser as they are going to do a little story about this challenge. It is not a scenario I am comfortable being in but as the man said, would I read an article with no photo and I said no so he said 'ok let's do these poses and you can get walking.' 

Why I walk

I get asked alot why I walk. In particular, when I am so busy all the time, why am I walking, why am I at the gym, why am I always busy doing something instead of relaxing. Well, while some people's ideas of relaxing are watching TV, reading, gaming or meditation ect, my 'switch off' or the way I bring calm to my mind, is doing a big walk, in particular at the beach followed by being in the water when the weather is warm. I go to they gym and make my body feel like it has worked. Exercise raises endorphins so then my mind feels happy. 8 weeks ago I was finding it very difficult to balance my work and home life. So the gym and walking was the first to go. While I was at the doctors she did a standard mental health check list with me. It showed high stress levels and high anxiety. She asked me what was going on and said 'Jolie you know your Exercise is part of your brains medicine. It is how you relax. You must go walking and you must get to the gym' so I made a pact with myself to ensure I did. Stress and anxiety levels are now back to low range and I am feeling much better. 

My Journey. TRIGGER WARNING

In 1998, I went to the doctor and said 'Something is wrong with me because I want to die'. It was suggested to me to go see a counsellor and I got diagnosed with depression. Weird back then and taboo to discuss. I hardly told anyone. Mental health in the late 90's and early 2000's was still a topic which wasn't openly discussed. When things were good, it was easy, but I battled through the hard times, masking my way with the aid of cigarettes, alcohol and a on again off again relationship with Anna. Anorexia that is. By the time I had my 2 children I had seen 4 psychs, none of who I clicked with. Then I met one amazing lady who helped me at age 26 at the peak of my Anorexia. Unfortunately, I was out of the age group for funding to continue seeing her. So that fell by the wayside. Many years passed, relying on my trusty little white tablet I take every morning. 13 years ago I began trying the counselling path again. Feeling let down so often as I would creste a great relationship with someone and get a call, 'sorry Jolie, your counsellor has moved, left to have a baby, decided to change practices' I think the longest time I saw someone was around 7 months before having to find someone new. 14 years ago, was when life decided to throw me the biggest challenges. Yet I decided, 9 years ago, after dealing with some really fucked up stuff, it would be a marvellous idea to try and get off the little white pills. I lasted 18 months. In this time, I was speaking to a very close family member about what our latest difficulties were that we were thrown and she said 'I can't believe how well you're holding it together' I still clearly remember saying 'im ok but I feel that there would only be one more thing that could break me, I feel fragile' I was already floating in and out of the relationship with Anna and stresses were mounting from grief. Then, after 3 very significant events, my balloon of being all ok, burst. I was taken to the doctor where I was asked 'Jolie are going to hurt yourself?' On that Saturday morning I said no because it was what I thought was true. They told me, if things changed and I felt otherwise I needed to go straight back. I was put back on my little tablets, double the strength I used to take, and some valium to calm me down. It was 2020 and I was driving home. I wanted to escape. After planning exactly what I was going to do, I made sure there was sufficient money in appropriate accounts so my husband could still pay bills and do the food shopping because In my mind, I was not going to be around to do this. Then, like the lights were turned off, my brain disassociated, which is what inevitably what saved my life. I came too, slumped at the door of my doctors crying hysterically. After a trip to hospital and a visit with the psych nurse, I was put on a plan to get me back to being mentally stable. Several more events of disassociation occured in the following 3 years however, thr counselling continued. The medication went up again. It has been a gruelling 5 years however with the growth I am making through my latest Psych, a great doctor and the support of my family and friends, I feel the strongest in my mind, spirit, energy and body, than I can honestly say I ever have. So if you see me now, with my music going, walking, going to the beach, growing my veggies and going to the gym, and think omg this woman never stops, it's because these are my coping mechanisms to calm mind. My goal with this challenge, is to show people you absolutely cannot assume, the happy person you see is indeed a happy person. Mental health and depression should not be hidden. Making it known creates allies. I called Lifeline only once in this time and at the time I thought it hadn't helped. In hindsight, it did. Because it was 1 hour I spent talking with someone when all my friends were busy and I was suicidal again. It was an hour of talking to a stranger, that took my mind off obsessing about what I was going to do. 

Sunday

Being a freezing cold weekend here and my asthma being a little irritated from the cold air, for training today I jumped on the bike at the gym today and did 40km, much to the disgust of my quads and ass as they are only used to doing a lazy 10km for warm up. Then managed to rack up moving a total of 1332kg in leg training and 205kg for arms. Didn't stop there, jumped in the warm pool and walked for 30 minutes, forward, backwards and sideways. 20 minutes stretching in the sauna and a 20 minute spa will hopefully mean I will be able to walk ok for work tomorrow. Hard to believe that in 4 weeks from today I will be recovering from walking the 63km. 

Positive Vibes Only

An old jumper i bought a few years ago, purely for the statement. At the time, I needed to have a reminder of the self talk I was having to practice each day to ensure I didn't go backwards. It also served as a little instruction to others that positive vibes only, was what I was requiring. I didn't need to be wrapped in cotton wool or tiptoed around however, I was on the beginning of my journey of emotional strength, stability and learning about myself in a way I never expected to be doing. While this is part of my little mantra on how I treat myself, it is a basic change I adopted through the help of one of my counsellors. Speak enough negative to yourself, your brain believes it. If you wouldn't say the things you think about yourself to a friend, why is it ok to be insulting and critical to you? Show yourself love and compassion and understanding. A little way i have been able to change my thoughts, thanks to some great advice and a cosy jumper that feels like a hug when I need it. 

Confirmed walk route

In the gallery are 2 photos for the route I have decided to take. I have decided on this due to a few factors, 2 mainly being the locality and familiarity. I know my own capability, which I proved back in May when I did a 51km walk. With this being a longer challenge, I needed to ensure I have enough daylight hours to achieve this, physical capacity and adequate rest spots. I would love for anyone to join me along any section, within your own capabilities of course.

Walk suggestions welcome

Using maps, I roughly worked out a route which begins at St Helens on the Geelong waterfront, along to Limeburners where from there would head to East Geelong to jump on the Bellarine Rail trail. I plan to continue on this track all the way to Point Lonsdale, over to the Queenscliff Railway station, back to Point Lonsdale to the lighthouse, Ocean Grove Surf Beach then finally finishing at the Barwon Heads Hotel. This is 62km and estimated 14 Hours and 40 minutes of walking. I would love to hear some ideas from people who are following this latest walk. 

I'm walking to remember those lost to suicide and help people in crisis

Tragically, every year over 65,000 Australians attempt to take their own life and over 3,000 Australians die by suicide. 

Lifeline receives over 1 million contacts from people in crisis each year.

Suicide has devastating impact on friends and loved ones.

For World Suicide Prevention Day (Sept 10), I will be taking part in Out of the Shadows and walking for the 9 people lost to suicide every day.

I'm walking to raise funds for Lifeline to provide suicide prevention services and support for Australians in need.

Please support my walk and sponsor me to help those in crisis.

Together, we can ensure that no one has to face their darkest moments alone.