I'm walking to raise awareness of the experiences of suicide as someone who has survived an attempt. I walk to remember those lost to suicide and to help people in crisis

For World Suicide Prevention Day (Sept 10), I will be taking part in Out of the Shadows and walking for the 9 people lost to suicide every day.

Tragically, every year over 65,000 Australians attempt to take their own life and over 3,000 Australians die by suicide. 

Unfortunately, I am one of those Australians who have attempted to take their own life. If it wasn't for the support of my partner, my friends, my doctors, and services like lifeline, I would not be here today. 

For me, my thoughts of suicide were definitely connected to my Major Depressive Disorder. Since high school, I would experience depressive periods, where it felt like being drowned in a wave of sadness and numbness, while my true feelings would try to stay afloat. Even if I was doing my favourite thing, with the people I love, it could not overcome that feeling of loss. 

During these periods, if I was in a lot of either in physical or emotional pain, that storm would tell me, that the quickest way for the pain to end, is to take my own life. I would tell myself that I do not want to die, that I have things that I want to do with my life, and I would fight those thoughts and feelings, trying to push through til it was over. 

However, there were moments that I almost lost that fight. Those moments usually happened when I felt so hopeless, that my situation would never get better. That I would be stuck in pain forever, and grew tired of being strong. It was those moments, where I attempted. Sometimes it would be by my choice, sometimes my body would go through the motions and I had to mentally fight to stop my body from going through it.

But I was very lucky. Each attempt was unsuccessful usually cause a friend happened to reach out, and we would talk. Even if they didn't know it, they made me feel like I wasn't fighting this battle alone, and walked me off the edge. I worked with my doctor and psychiatrist, and now I can recognise the warning signs, and get myself out of those difficult situations, and I can proudly say that I haven't attempted since 2023. 

I still got a lot of work to do, but am getting better and better each day. I have made plans for my future, where in the past I had believed that I would not make it to my 25 birthday, so I had stopped trying. 

It is one of the reasons why I train so hard at kendo, as when I face my opponent, it feels like I am fighting all of my bad thoughts and experiences. It feels like I am telling those negative experiences that I am still here, and that no matter what happens, I am going to fight them with every breath, down to the last second. 

I'm walking to provide awareness as someone who has attempted, and to raise funds for Lifeline to provide suicide prevention services and support for Australians in need.

Please support my walk and sponsor me to help those in crisis.

Together, we can ensure that no one has to face their darkest moments alone.